So I now return to the world of writing....I have little other audience or venue to whom I can express my thoughts, feelings, though, I'm grateful for sadie in san fran being a few hours behind and happening to answer her phone to my tears.
Broke up with my lover of 5 months today, lover was certain, I was not. I had been feeling a pull towards self for 3 years now that Ive been ignoring, after 20-ish years of serial relationships.
Sadly, I'm letting go of a relationship with an awesome person, selfless, kind, passionate, adventurous. We'd been really stressed lately because of many of my stresses and some of theirs, and sadly things ended during this stressed out period when some fun together was finally on the horizon. But...the topic kept coming up, and the tears kept flowing, and uncertainty lingered and pandora's box spoke.
I feel bad because of this uncertainty, my lover deserves nothing but the bestest love, and I just don't have the energy to give it right now. I barely have energy to work toward my own goals at the moment, and I'm even having trouble defining those. So, as they say, no good being in a relationship if you're not in one with yourself.
So, sad, sad, sad. I hope we end up being friends. In time. :(